To the Single Ladies

Friends, this is a long one and has been on my heart for awhile, here it is in all its messiness. I by no means am an expert, but I believe the lord has taught me a lot and I want to share what he has shown me.

This one goes out to all the single ladies out there. No matter what place you are in your singleness I hope this post can encourage you a little bit. (I mean I guess single dudes can read this too, but its focused towards the ladies)

When I was little I was never the one to have a "boyfriend" or randomly be in some short-lived relationship. Most of those are harmless, but that is not who I am. Yes I had those dreams, like most girls do, of dating someone and getting married and having kids and life being happily ever after. But I do not think I ever really thought about how I would find a husband or really much of what he would really be like until middle school. In middle school I was told to make a list of qualities I wanted in a future spouse. At the time they were simple things like a non-smoker, athletic, and a stable walk with Christ. But in reality I had no idea what I truly desired in a future spouse.

The thing is I was young. I did not know what I would want. So I started praying. Yes back in the day I was praying for someone I had no idea when I would meet or who they were like. But I prayed and listened. I think its a beautiful thing to do because one day you can tell your husband you prayed for them even before you met. But it also shows your trust in the Lord's timing. You praying for someone you have never met grows your faith with God believing one day he will bring that person to you.

Time passed and as I entered high school I saw relationships form all around me and many times as quick as they started, they ended. I did not want that. I made a vow to not date in high school... haha welp that did not happen... But that's okay. I was in one relationship in high school and honestly looking back I am so glad I was. I learned so much about myself, about God, and about what I truly desire in a relationship. I was definitely naive at that point, but through that season God taught me a lot.

I dated once in high school and it was a pretty long relationship. After that high school relationship ended I had to reevaluate myself. This is something I would encourage anyone to do after a breakup regardless of how long you were dating. I had to find who I was and what God was truly placing on my heart to pursue. I knew pretty quickly God wanted me to be single for awhile. So I said okay lets do this thing. I had then decided myself that probably meant I would be in my late 20s before I ever dated again... HAHA In this time I found that a lot of my past relationship I was putting my identity in the other person and not Christ. I was probably the farthest from God in the second half of that relationship as I was in one of my darkest times in life. This realization struck me. I heard a message that made me realize how important putting God first is within a relationship. They said to picture a triangle with God at the top, when both people move closer to God they move closer to each other. When one pulls away or both pull away, they both move away from each other and God. This has been something I have thought about ever since. All of this factored into this time of singleness where I really wanted to grow my relationship with Christ.

One of my biggest pieces of advice to any single girl out there is to grow in your relationship with Christ and build habits before ever trying to pursue a relationship. Once you are in a relationship, you have another person's heart to be attentive to as well as your own. You need to be a strong woman on your own before searching for a relationship. If not I have seen many girls get hurt by placing their everything in the hands of a guy and not the Lord and when an imperfect human handles your whole identity instead of the Lord, then you're in for a heap of disappointment...

As I continued in my very intentional time of singleness I was in a time of a lot of decisions. Looking back I am so glad I was single during my decision-making process of senior year because a relationship could have changed those decisions. I leaned on God more than I ever had before. I had so many life-altering decisions that had to be made with reliance on God alone and no outside influences. I believe being in a relationship with the intention of marriage. Yes I said it marriage. That is why I believe most of the time high school relationships are stupid. Yes high school sweethearts happen and all that, but honestly, most of us were too immature to be in a relationship that could be marriage material. You both move on to new places and experiences in college that will pull you apart. I am so glad I came into college single because I have seen through friends and peers how hard being in two totally different environments is. Not that it cannot be done. You can do it and it can work, but it's very hard work.

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In this time of singleness I learned who I am. I learned how I tick and what makes me the most joyful. I worked on my relationship with God and building friendships with some of my closest gal pals. Yes, many moments especially in the beginning were very difficult because I craved a relationship, but I started placing that craving into my time with Jesus. Yes it may sound corny or cringe or creepy even, but I became satisfied being filled by the Lord. I became full only when I filled myself with Him. I started realizing how little I needed a relationship to be who I was. I felt free. For the first time in a long time I felt like a version of myself that was freely surrendered to the Lord. I felt like the best version of myself I had ever felt. I always jokingly say y'all don't need no man you're an independent woman!

But really you're a strong woman of the Lord who only needs Christ to satisfy your hunger!

I remember reading a thing a super long time ago in like 6th grade that said something like you do not need to be in a relationship until you are fully satisfied being who you are alone in Christ, so then you can be complimented by another filled-by-Christ man so that you can be supports to do the work you are each called to do.

I saw a quote the other day in the middle of writing this that said "I really pray you fall in love with Jesus before you fall in love with someone else. The first on effects how well you do the second." Focus on your relationship with God first and foremost.

The only way you will know how to give love is to know love first.

God is love and the only way you can give love to others is by knowing him first.

Y'all need to stop worrying about when you're going to find a man and start worrying about being full of Jesus. Why waste your precious time of singleness wishing it away for a time you do not know how long you have until it comes? God can do so many amazing things as you are "in the waiting" for a man. He will teach you who you are and give you opportunities you will not have when you are in a relationship.

This summer was a sweet sweet time with God, especially looking back to what was to come. I was really diving in to the word and getting very close with God. I had become so happy with where I was at and all that I was anticipating God to bring in the new adventure of college. A boyfriend was definitely not in the picture for me. (Like I said before I felt destined to be alone until my 30s so any interest in men was like ehh whatever.) But as my life goes, God had a better plan for what was to come.

I met a guy. I was scared to have thought I found someone I was very interested in like the 2nd week of school. Definitely not my style haha. I prayed and prayed that God would only allow this desire to stay if it was something from Him. I was fully expecting the desire to fade and life to go on, but hahaha God had other plans. Instead he increased my interest in this guy and so I continued to pray. I genuinely was shocked by the whole experience. God was giving me a relationship this quick? Was I rushing into things? Am I truly listening to God? All these questions arose and doubt creeped in, but I just kept leaning on the Lord asking this guy to pursue me and treat me right.

Boy did I not know what God had up his sleeve. For a month this guy that I met at Bible study became Jackson, a guy God has brought into my life that is pursuing me. After tons of prayer, we went on a date. Then a few weeks later we started dating. We approached this in such an amazing way I could not be more grateful for such a respectful man to come into my life. Before we actually started dating we discussed godly dating, boundaries, and intentions of dating. This is vital to start your relationship with communicating your boundaries. He pursued me and showed me more interest and intentionality than I ever expected to receive. All things so important to me. He has surprised me with flowers, cookies, texts and just shows me God's love every day. This pushes me to be a better person and pursue the Lord daily. Some days we have hard times of stress or whatever is going on, but yet even in those times we encourage each other and its just really good. We are goofy and we have been called our friend's parents and I love that. Everything I have desired God showed up in so many ways in this relationship he has allowed me to be a part of and I am so grateful. I do not know the end result of how this will turn out, but no matter what I know that God can and will provide for me.

I know girls hear this all the time, but seriously do not settle for a mediocre man who sorta treats you okay and sorta pursues you. NO. Wait, prayerfully, for a man who demonstrates the love of God in his actions, treatment, and kindness towards you. There is no way a woman of God should just settle for a church boy who just knows a lot, but rather wait on a man who knows God and radiates the love of Christ to you everyday.

Overall, if you are single pursue the Lord. Wait on who the Lord has fro you. If you are in a relationship evaluate if this man loves the Lord and loves you. Does he respect you and push you towards Christ?