Progress and Interruptions

Hey friends it has been a hot minute. Last semester was a whirlwind due to many reasons and one being COVID. A lot has happened from spontaneous trips to Colorado to really cool moments the Lord has provided. I hope to share a lot of those soon. But today I am back and ready to bring you a word that has been on my heart for a while.

As an enneagram one I have always searched for perfection. Whether it be in school, friendships, or daily tasks, I strive for perfection. This past year I learned a lot about seeking progress instead of perfection.

As basically any human on the planet in the past year all my perfectly curated plans were demolished. I am not going to go into the details because we all have some sort of shared experience of loss that the pandemic has felt us. But the overarching factor that really crushed me was my lack of perfect plans to account for a global pandemic. I beat myself up for not having backups to some seemingly very set in stone plans. Yet through all of this I learned a great lesson.

Progress is better than perfection.

Now this may not seem like the truth to you but I will tell you how. Progress is making steps forward in the right direction. Perfection is an all or nothing deal. Progress allows mistakes and wrong turns and pandemics to change the definition of progress... Perfection has no room for error.

I learned this lesson the hard way through a lot of experiences. The biggest one being my relationship with the Lord. I had this lie that I fully believed until this past year that said if I do not do everything possible to grow closer with God, I am failing. I had things like reading my Bible as a checklist. I felt like I had to go to church even when I was dead and drained. I felt like I had to say yes to every single church and ministry related event because otherwise I was failing my inner checklist. I felt like I was failing other people's checklist for me (which btw nobody has a checklist for you... if they do they're the one who needs help). I was miserably overwhelmed and overworked feeling like the only way I could be seen as good enough, perfect, and live up to this image I had in my head fro myself was to do all the things.

But then I had many reality checks all boiling over in November. I was desperately asking God for rest, for an escape from this madness. I had many things happening in my life that felt so out of my control. Then I was given rest. First I was given a retreat to escape the world and sit in the Lord's presence and fully feel all the feelings, probably for the first time all year. I learned the art of lamenting. Which I am still learning but oh was it a needed weekend. Then the next week my whole house was quarantined. Covid struck the ole crusted butte. I was so overwhelmed before this moment and then I was forced to have rest. I could not be perfect because there was nothing to achieve. I know God allowed this at just the right time. Honestly it was a painful week or two but exactly what I needed. In this time I saw how little importance all the things I was striving for were. I saw the grace of God wrap over me when I had no words. I saw a moment where I had no one's approval to achieve, no checklist to fill, just rest.

After these few weeks I started to have a stirring in my heart to change some things. To stop running everywhere and walk at the pace of Jesus. Jesus walked. I started reading the Gospels to remind myself how Jesus lived. I noticed so many things I would have never noticed before this journey. Jesus retreated alone. As an introvert with a life full of extroverts, it is hard to feel okay retreating. But the truth is, Jesus retreated. He had alone time with the Father. Jesus spent time with his friends. Jesus ate food and laughed. Jesus also allowed interruptions.

This one hit me the most. Yes, the others were very important to this whole ordeal as well, but this last one especially. Jesus allowed interruptions in his life. Every time Jesus was going somewhere some person showed up. And usually, in that moment, did some of the coolest interactions occur. This struck me. I had been so busy I was not allowing people or moments in long enough for the Lord to do something amazing. I was striving for such perfection in everything with my perfectly timed schedule that I was not allowing these organic moments to happen. I was holding so tightly the things I wanted to happen, I was not allowing room for God to work through those things. My perfection impeded mine and other's progress.

So what is the point of all of this?

I learned that perfection is unattainable. DUHHHH... But I get to serve a God who is perfect. I learned that instead of perfection, I should rejoice in the progress. I will rejoice when I spend time with God, I will rejoice when I have a great spiritual conversation, I will rejoice when a Bible study goes well. But I will not judge it by perfection. And I will not bash myself when I do not read my bible or have a good conversation. I will rejoice in progress. I will rest in the perfection of the Lord over striving for unattainable perfection for myself. I will trust he can make things perfect in his way, which is way better than my way because the Lord is actually perfect.

I also learned that interruptions are where some of the most fruitful conversations and Jesus encounters occur. I will leave space in my day for unique, organic conversations to flow, I will not be angry when someone random speaks to me, I will seek out people in my life to spend time with. As I have started to do this, which I am no expert AT ALL, I have seen some very cool things happen. I have seen friendships grow, memories made, and Jesus honored.

All this to say I have learned that progress is a much better way for me to live and honor God. And allowing interruptions and space for people has given the Lord opportunity to do such unique things.

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I hope this was a good word for someone. If so message me on instagram, @adelinepacef I would love to chat!

I hope to be posting more frequently in the near future so be on the lookout for that! Until the next blog... fearlessly pursue the Lord.